An Excerpt From...

An Excerpt From Something That I’m Not Really Working On That Isn’t Really About Death All That Much –

a play by Larry Kunofsky

( A quick editors note: This is a short one act but is definitely a longer post than most we've had here. But it's not that that long. So read it all the way through. It's good stuff. Also I apologize about the weird formatting of the text. Blogspot is not the best text editor. )

(HEARNE is inside in his PJs and bathrobe. He hasn’t been out all day. He sits at a table with old newspapers and coffee.)

(BRAILEY comes inside from outside with things from the Bodega in a plastic bag. He places the bag on the table and stands around. They bith mostly face out without ever looking at each other at the same time, unless otherwise indicated.)

HEARNE

Y’know who died?

BRAILEY

No, who died?

HEARNE

Sting.

BRAILEY

Sting?

HEARNE

Sting is dead.

BRAILEY

Sting-Sting?

HEARNE

Yeah. Dead.

BRAILEY

Sting as in The Artist Formerly In The Band The Police Who Then Reunited With The Police Even Though No One Cared That They Reunited?

HEARNE

I don’t know how many other guys named Sting there are. Is that guy’s name, works at The Bodega, Sting? I mean, I don’t know Bodega Guy’s name, but my guess, as to whether or not Bodega Guy’s name is Sting, would be Probably Not.

BRAILEY

Sting is dead?

HEARNE

Sting is dead, yeah.

BRAILEY

Sting is not dead.

HEARNE

I know. It’s okay.

BRAILEY

What?

HEARNE

We all face these things--

BRAILEY

No, listen. Sting is not dead, really.

HEARNE

Denial is a legitimate stage--

BRAILEY

Look, you’re not listening,

HEARNE

Oh Death, Where is Thy Sting?

BRAILEY

Sting is not dead.

HEARNE

Seriously?

BRAILEY

Yes!

HEARNE

Why are you saying that?

(There is a pause as BRAILEY goes off and Googles Sting. The actor playing BRAILEY never actually leaves the stage, he just stands there and waits for the moment to pass.)

BRAILEY

I just Googled Sting and Sting is not dead.

HEARNE

There’s no Google confirmation on Sting’s demise?

BRAILEY

Quite the contrary, actually. In fact, Google confirms that Sting is still among the living.

HEARNE

Can Google prove this?

BRAILEY

There’s a Live Feed.

HEARNE

Oh. Live Feed.

BRAILEY

Correct. Of Sting. On Sting’s official website. Of Sting. Alive. Sting is currently going live, which would require him to be not dead.

HEARNE

(Filled with so many conflicting feelings.)

Well. Good for Sting. The Sting is Dead. Long Live The Sting.

BRAILEY

You seem disappointed.

HEARNE

I couldn’t be happier for Sting. And Trudy. And their nineteen children. And the other Police, regardless of whether or not anyone would care should they choose to reunite yet again. And all involved. I just… All these feelings. Flowing. So hard. To redirect. The flow.

BRAILEY

That’s only human.

HEARNE

That’s good of you to point out.

BRAILEY

Only, don’t go too far. In that. A man is officially not dead. Rejoice.

HEARNE

(Unable to completely shake the sadness.)

Huzzah, Sting.

BRAILEY

Who told you Sting was dead?

HEARNE

Paige.

BRAILEY

Where did Paige hear that Sting was dead?

HEARNE

Paige did not reveal her sources.

BRAILEY

Paige should be careful about what she says.

HEARNE

All these questions blazing through my mind. What would Sting’s death say about the health risks of extreme yoga? Would the gravestone say Gordon Sumner? Or would it actually say Sting? Which would be retarded.

BRAILEY

Y’know who Paige told me was an anti-semite?

HEARNE

Denzel Washington, I know, Paige told me.

BRAILEY

Exactly. So there you go.

HEARNE

What does Denzel Washington’s anti-semitism have to do with Sting not being dead?

BRAILEY

Denzel Washington is not an anti-semite.

HEARNE

I wouldn’t be so forgiving about the anti-semitic remarks that Paige has told us Denzel Washington has made, simply because of his vast and significant body of work.

BRAILEY

Denzel Washington has made no anti-semitic remarks. He is only as anti-semitic as Sting is dead.

HEARNE

How do you know Denzel Washington is not an anti-semite?

BRAILEY

How do you know that Denzel Washington is an anti-semite.

HEARNE

Paige told me.

BRAILEY

Aha.

HEARNE

It’s Paige’s word against Denzel Washington’s, as far as I’m concerned, and I don’t know Denzel Washington to have a conversation with him, despite my familiarity with his body of work, so I have to take Paige’s word for it, now don’t I?

BRAILEY

Paige’s sources are unreliable.

HEARNE

She said she saw it on the news.

BRAILEY

That’s what she told me initially, as well. However, when pressed further, Paige was forced to admit that all she truly remembered was that she heard Denzel Washington say something in an interview on E! in which he said, and I quote from Paige directly “something that probably was about the Jews, but not in a direct way, but it made me think of the Jews, which sounded, I think, really not good.”

HEARNE

Why that’s not very much of a source at all.

BRAILEY

Exactly my point.

HEARNE

I’m relieved. I admire the body of Denzel Washington’s work deeply, because of its vastness and significance. My admiration for his body of work would be severely tainted by his now clearly nonexistent anti-semitism. Nevertheless, would that his nonexistent anti-semitism were to actually exist, I would mourn that loss with great lamentation, not unlike my earlier mourning of Sting.

BRAILEY

Denzel Washington is neither an anti-semite nor dead.

HEARNE

Have these pronouncements of yours been confirmed, in the final analysis?

(There is a pause as BRAILEY goes off and Googles Denzel Washington. The actor playing BRAILEY never actually leaves the stage, he just stands there and waits for the moment to pass.)

BRAILEY

I Googled Denzel Washington and no word exists regarding his death.

HEARNE

Surely Google would report such a tremendous loss to the African-American and Arts and Entertainment communities. And bravo to great talents such as Denzel Washington’s for making such communities so far from mutually exclusive.

BRAILEY

As far as someone being an anti-semite, I believe that here in the United States, a person is innocent until proven an anti-semite. I don’t know what they do over in the State of Israel.

HEARNE

Now that will be just about enough of your anti-Zionist remarks out of you.

BRAILEY

I have yet to utter an anti-Zionist remark.

HEARNE

Well are you a Zionist?

BRAILEY

I’m not an anti-Zionist.

HEARNE

Well you’re either for us or against us.

BRAILEY

That may very well be part of the problem.

HEARNE

Perhaps we should refrain from the political altogether.

BRAILEY

Agreed.

HEARNE

We should put aside our differences in this time of mourning.

BRAILEY

No one has died. Google was very specific.

HEARNE

Know who’s dead?

BRAILEY

No, who’s dead?

HEARNE

Oh. I thought you were an authority on Dead.

BRAILEY

No. I just try… to follow… reality.

HEARNE

Is Lee Marvin dead?

BRAILEY

Yes, Lee Marvin is dead.

HEARNE

I saw Lee Marvin on a bicycle riding down the street just the other day.

BRAILEY

Well you didn’t.

HEARNE

I could swear that I had.

BRAILEY

It must have been a Lee Marvin look-alike.

HEARNE

Could there possibly be much of a market for such a profession?

BRAILEY

I wasn’t suggesting that Man On Bike did it for a living.

HEARNE

Lee Marvin and his bicycle was this close to me. I could swear it. He feels that close right now. Perhaps this is how we always feel when we lose someone. On the one hand, they’re gone. On the other, they might just as well whiz by on a bicycle.

BRAILEY

Do you really feel that you, yourself, have lost someone in Lee Marvin?

HEARNE

Yes. We have, obviously. We, as a Culture. But I have, as well. I, as an individual. Yes. He wasn’t just a tough guy, y’know. He was underrated. And there’s something about his work in The Dirty Dozen that’s quite touching.

BRAILEY (Flippant.)

I’m sorry for your loss.

HEARNE

You’ve always been flippant about grief.

BRAILEY

I’ve never been flippant about grief. I’m flippant about what you call grief because what you call grief is something else and that something else is profoundly less substantial than grief.

HEARNE (Pain.)

You don’t know.

BRAILEY

You’ve never lost anyone.

HEARNE

You don’t know.

BRAILEY

You don’t even know what it’s like to lose someone.

HEARNE

You don’t know.

BRAILEY

Excuse me. I know what it’s like to lose someone. Over and over again. Sometimes, it seems, without cease. And I know when I know someone who knows what it’s like to lose someone. I can spot someone who knows a mile away. There’s a light around them. A dark light. It doesn’t illuminate, it’s a light that casts everything in shadow. A dark light that screams. It doesn’t glow, it screams, and I can hear it. I can hear it and see it both. And you, sir, have no glow, have no scream about you. I see or hear nothing from you. There is no light. You, sir, have never known loss. You have never lost anyone in your life and you don’t know what it’s like.

HEARNE

You don’t know! You don’t know! You don’t know!!! YOU DON’T KNOW!!!!

(Silence. There is a stare-down.)

BRAILEY

Okay. Listen. Stop saying that. Seriously.

(Silence. Staring, Face to Face.)

(PAIGE comes inside from outside. They barely acknowledge her, but that’s okay.)

PAIGE

Y’know who’s dead?

HEARNE

No, who’s dead?

BRAILEY

Paige, now is not a good time.

PAIGE

When is it ever a good time for Death?

HEARNE

Actually, Paige, Brailey’s kind of right.

PAIGE

Oh, Hearne, does that mean you boys are getting along? How good.

HEARNE

Paige.

PAIGE

Even in times of Death comes good.

BRAILEY

Paige, seriously. Not now.

PAIGE

I’m sure Fran Drescher said Not Now to Death. But y’know what? Death’s response to Death was “’Now is not a good time,’ my Deathly Ass, yo. And now, Fran Drescher,” continued Death, “You dead, byotch.”

BRAILEY

Fran Drescher is dead?

PAIGE

Fran Drescher is dead.

HEARNE (Processing.)

Fran Drescher is dead.

BRAILEY

Fran Drescher is not dead.

PAIGE

(When PAIGE comforts others, she comforts herself.)

That’s how I feel.

BRAILEY

That’s not how I feel, I’m just stating a fact.

HEARNE (Crushed.)

Not Fran Drescher.

BRAILEY

No.

PAIGE

I know.

HEARNE

Not The Nanny.

PAIGE

I know.

BRAILEY

No.

PAIGE

I know.

BRAILEY

No. Seriously.

PAIGE

We all feel that way

BRAILEY

Fran Drescher is not dead.

PAIGE

Would that that were true.

BRAILEY

It is true.

HEARNE

I can still hear her strident whiny annoying screeches on the wind.

PAIGE

May the wind carry her screechings in our hearts anon.

(There is a pause as BRAILEY goes off and Googles Fran Drescher. The actor playing BRAILEY never actually leaves the stage, he just stands there and waits for the moment to pass.)

BRAILEY

I Googled Fran Drescher. She’s not dead.

PAIGE

Is there a website that lists all the people who are not dead? Because there are so many people to think of to put on that list that it must be very difficult to update once you have to take someone off that list so if that’s your source, I’m not sure that your source is accurate.

BRAILEY

Fran Drescher is on a live feed.

PAIGE

Really? A live feed.

BRAILEY

Yes, really, a live feed.

HEARNE

Well. A live feed.

BRAILEY

Sting has a live feed on his official website and his official website is broadcasting a live concert that Sting, who is not dead, is currently giving. And Fran Drescher is at the concert. And Denzel Washington, who is not an anti-semite, is sitting next to Fran Drescher. This is all happening right now. Live. And not one dead among them.

PAIGE

I wonder if Fran Drescher and Denzel Washington are dating.

HEARNE

I know that Fran Drescher would never sit next to an anti-semite, so if further proof of Denzel Washington’s humanity were needed--

BRAILEY

It’s not.

PAIGE

Anyway. Hi, Brailey.

BRAILEY

Hi, Paige.

PAIGE

How are you, Hearne?

HEARNE

I’m having a rough time processing.

PAIGE

I know.

BRAILEY

Processing what.

HEARNE

All this Death.

BRAILEY

But no one has died.

HEARNE

It’s still very painful for me. And I’m not talking to you.

PAIGE

Are you boys fighting again?

HEARNE

He said I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone. He said I’ve never even lost anyone ever.

PAIGE

Y’know, a little compassion goes a long way. Y’know?

HEARNE

No, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know, he has no idea, it’s the furthest idea from his mind.

PAIGE

I know, Hearne, I know.

HEARNE

I know that Sting and Fran Drescher are not dead. And that Denzel Washington is not an anti-semite. But I caught a glimpse of the ache that will appear from deep inside me when we as People and as a Culture and I as an individual will lose them. And to think that Denzel Washington could have died before he was cleared of all accusations, I shudder. At the very thought.

PAIGE

(She rushes to HEARNE’s aid. She is Here For Him.)

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Pookey, I know. Oh.

(Silence.)

BRAILEY

I need new friends.

(Silence.)

PAIGE

What does that mean.

HEARNE

I know what he means. We all need more than we have. We could all use extra friends. Especially in time of need.

BRAILEY

That’s not what I mean. I don’t want more friends. I wouldn’t turn down more friends if my original friends were good. But my current friends are no good, so I don’t want more friends, I want new friends to replace my old friends because I need to get rid of my old friends because my old friends are no good. I’m saying I’m tired of you. I’m saying I’ve had enough of you.

HEARNE

Are you saying you’re renouncing our friendship.

BRAILEY

I am. Yes. I’m sorry if that hurts you, I don’t want to hurt you, but I’d hurt myself if I didn’t renounce you because you’re much too much of an idiot for me to value as a friend, so that is what I’m saying, yes.

(BRAILEY is about to leave. For good.)

HEARNE

Then say it. Then say it, then.

(BRAILEY delays his own departure in order to settle this.)

BRAILEY

Okay. You’re an idiot.

HEARNE

No.

BRAILEY

Yes. You are an idiot.

HEARNE

That’s not what I want you to say.

BRAILEY

I don’t blame you for feeling that way.

HEARNE

Say you renounce me. Look me in the eye and say it.

(BRAILEY and HEARNE confront each other Face to Face.)

BRAILEY

I. Renounce. You.

PAIGE

(This is all too, too much.)

Oh. Oh. Oh.

(Silence.)

BRAILEY

Are we done. I’d like to leave now.

HEARNE

No, we’re not done.

BRAILEY

Okay, then. Say what you need to say so that we can be done.

(BRAILEY and HEARNE confront each other Face to Face.)

HEARNE

I renounce you!

BRAILEY

Okay. Bye.

HEARNE

No. Wait.

BRAILEY

Go ahead.

(BRAILEY and HEARNE confront each other Face to Face.)

HEARNE

You’re Dead To Me.

PAIGE (Sad.)

Oh.

BRAILEY

Goodbye.

HEARNE

Am I Dead To You?

BRAILEY

No.

HEARNE

Because you’re Dead To Me.

BRAILEY

If you say so.

HEARNE

Why don’t you take your being Dead To Me seriously.

BRAILEY

Because it’s a very stupid concept. I’m freaking alive. Genius. Y’know who’se Dead To Me? People who have Actually Died.

HEARNE

I see.

BRAILEY

I still renounce you, though.

HEARNE (Sadly.)

Okay.

BRAILEY

(Not unkindly.)

Goodbye.

(BRAILEY turns again to go.)

PAIGE

Goodbye, Brailey.

BRAILEY

Bye, Paige.

PAIGE

Do you renounce me, too.

BRAILEY

Nah. I don’t really think of you that much as it is.

(BRAILEY braces for leaving the inside environs. He goes outside. He exits. He is gone.)

PAIGE

Well how do ya like that. That douche wouldn’t even renounce me. That’s really going too far.

HEARNE

Y’know who’s dead?

PAIGE

No, Pookey, who’s dead?

HEARNE

We are.

PAIGE

We as People? We as a Society? We as a Society? Or we All Who Existence Surveys.

HEARNE

We as individuals. You’re dead. I’m dead.

PAIGE

Dead To Him?

HEARNE

No. Dead To Us. Dead to Each Other. Dead To Ourselves. Dead. Dead, dead.

PAIGE

Oh.

(Silence.)

But.

(Silence.)

Oh.

(Silence.)

Yes.

(Silence.)

Yes.

(Silence.)

Yes.

(Silence.)

Yes.

Yes.

(Silence.)

We are.

(Silence.)

We are dead.

(Silence.)

Yes.

(Will they laugh or cry at this?)

(Each waits for the other to laugh or to cry first.)

(They will keep waiting this way until they die.)

(There is darkness everywhere.)

(There is no light anywhere in the whole wide world.)

(End of play.)

Breuckelen

by Chris Van Strander

An excerpt from his play, Breuckelen.

A dive-y Brooklyn watering hole. Today.

BATHTUB GIN, a 20s-era flapper, materializes and addresses everyone present.

BATHTUB GIN
Before you now: the sweetheart of every hood an’ trouble boy from here to Sheepshead Bay. Goes a little somethin’ like this:

Born: Jersey City—third ward. Pops ran rum—speedboats—he’d load, I’d pilot. Hittin’ on all sixes too, ‘til comin’ back—full load, Irish whisky, musta hit some jetsam ‘cuz BOOM, I’m thrown, SPLASH, (makes the sound of someone being run over by a speedboat), rolls right over me. Thought that was the big one for sure. Balled up a chunk-a my noggin, croaker said. Plate in here now. (her head)

So: so long rumrunning, hello Coney, little brick houses an’ homebrewing gin for the local jaspers. Juniper juice, glycerine—duck soup. ‘Til one night I’m lightin’ up a gasper an’ KERBLAM, whole still up n’ explodes. Thought that really was the big one. Totally blind now, this eye.

Midsta this don’tcha know I find love. Billy Cloud—Mohawk Indian—cake-eater—rivet man—know what I mean? Flopped down on Schermerhorn. Barclay Vesey Building he was buildin’. Went to visit, took me up, peep the view, gust a’ wind, fell right off. 20 stories. Now that really shoulda been the big one. Came down like a cat, lost both feet. (indicates her feet) American walnut, buster.

Sued his ass, tribe’s, whatever, used the dough to open my very own joint—right here, 209 Bedford. First broad in all Williamsburg. Local degos caught wind: “Our turf—we get a quarter stake.” Told ‘em go shit on a $3 bible. Wrong number. Danced me by my tongue off Williamsburg Bridge. Really thought that’d be the big one. But my right guy Reilly got me. Lost half my tongue and all power a’ smell.

But my club: Chez Mausoleum (this was a funeral parlor then). “Hey-a, swells! Come in an’ get ossified!” Served outta hollowed-out skulls. This whole wall was craniums, like those basements in Rome. Reilly just turned up one day with a truckful—I know better’n to ask. My hostesses: all refugee geishas. My chorus girls: Juilliard-trained. My waiters: tangoed. Jumpin’ist band in Brooklyn too: Sozzle Tom And His Incredibly Generous Orchestra. ‘Least 20 cocktails started here: the Pale Gringo; the Moister Looser; the Café Scranton. Just had to know the code word.

(She picks a single listener she’s addressing and whispers “cumquat” into his/her ear.)

Swells who got scrooched in this room, can’t even tell ya. Once when we got raided? A certain aging It girl whose career nosedived after the talkies was here as the fuck date of a certain bisexual Arabian millionaire, and they just happened to be seated nexta a certain mid-level cabinet member who was here with his secret lover, a certain Dodger third baseman—and they all ended up in the john hittin’ the pipe with a certain hatchetman in the Fanelli Massacre. Cops bust in—Brooklyn lightning everywhere. Some flatfoot sonofabitch gets all in a lather, thinks it’s the most hilarious thing in the world to start shootin’ his piece off next to my noggin. If I’d heard anything, woulda been me tellin’ myself “well, this’s the big one.” Totally deaf now, this ear.

Only thing gummed me up worse n’ that was the graft. Grand a month: DA, feds. Futzed around with more beat cops than your mother. It was me with the Chief that night. They say it was the dark but the straight dope is we’re screaming down 9th in his breezer, hopped up outta our minds, I start giving him a handjob for the ages when he swerves us right off the pier and in the drink. Now you tell me why that wasn’t the big one. Said so long to both hands in that. (indicates her gloved hands) American walnut, buster.

What’ll I ever do with myself once all this ends.

Home that night, exhausted, put on some Bix, cuppa tea, sit down… and that’s it. Just like that. Sitting down. In my sleep. In a chair.

When is a Clock

by Matthew Freeman

A scene from his as yet unfinished play called (for now) When is a Clock.

COP

Crime statistics. The average person is married twice, and the average marriage contains seven steps, and the average marriage has around two children and the average child of those marriages spend an average of four hours watching two to four television programs on five nights a week. More than half of that time is spent watching violent crime, and of the twelve courtroom dramas currently dominating the networks prime time slots, they watch 276 variations of criminal actions, based on a 23 episode season. That is only counting the central act of criminality within the drama, not counting ethical lapses or more minor crimes in support of, or to dispel, the central crime in question.

(pause)

When, when, when you expose one half of one half of all Americans to four hours of around three hundred murders, raped, kidnappings and assaults over the course of a season of television, you're going to create precisely, and we have this figure available on our website, around 500,000 potential major felons a night, of which exactly 45,678 will commit crimes within ten years of right now. That is the crime that is directly pulled from national data on the citizenry that watches television regularly.

(pause)

How should we find your wife? With all this happening just because of television?

(pause)

What about red tape and just overall numbers? Every second, 200 babies die in this county alone. 200 babies. Die. In this county alone. Three hundred people lose watches every ten minutes in 38 states. There are 20 different versions of the law that protects three different ethnicities from twelve kinds of discriminatory lending practices. Food poisoning, from nearly 600 controlled substances, just hit the digestive system of two women. As we spoke. Their names are Janet and Janet. Both of them named Janet. What are the odds? Actually, very, very good, if you consider how improbable a life-sustaining atmosphere even is. 89 times, in the course of just walking in this door, I envisioned a crime committed against me by a person that worked in an orphanage when I was only nine. Why did I see that in my mind so often? Biological signals sent from my brain, sense-memory. 91 times now. It just keeps happening. That person was never arrested, but was killed. You can't prove how. How could you? There's just too much to keep track of.

(pause)

Over the course of the last month, it was discovered that people's names were being spelled in a wantonly confusing way but a large number of ethnic minorities in order to confound governmental databases. You think it's easy to track people by way of their social security number? Of course you'd think so. That's because you don't know that there are two million people in this country whose social security number is precisely the same as two million other people. How do you think that affects their records when they die? It's not pretty. Of course it's not pretty. In fact, despite what you may believe, according to Federal Databases, because of this Social Security glitch, more than half of those four million people are deceased. 14 million Mexicans just entered this country. 15 million. 16 million. All without social security numbers, most of them less than 5 feet 5 inches tall. How are we going to find them and bury them? Do we just toss them in the Pacific Ocean? No, no we don't. That's how we hope to fuel agriculture. But there are so, so many. So many.

(pause)

Where is your wife? Tennessee?

GORDON

Pennsylvania.

COP

How, for fuck's sake, can you be so sure?

read matthew's blog here

Monstrosity (Scene Three)

by Lucy Thurber

This is the third scene from Lucy Thurber's play Monstrosity and the third and final posting of the play. Scenes one and two can be found below.

Scene Three

Michael’s office. Sarah sits at his giant desk looking at his papers. She opens a file and reads. Michael enters.

Michael

What are you doing here?

Sarah

Reading. (Referring to the file.) More new arrivals-lucky you or should I say lucky us? “The voice of the youth”, it’s ironic father because you’re so far from young yourself.

Michael

Again, what are you doing here?

Sarah

I mean looking at you objectively, you are still a handsome man-

Michael

Powerful men are always handsome-

Sarah

But you’re shriveling Father, you’re getting smaller.

Michael

If you like.

Sarah

You’re getting old, too old to be Youth’s Speaker.

Michael

Then lucky for me it was a life-time appointment.

Sarah

You appointed yourself.

Michael

I serve the people.

Sarah

I know what you fantasize about Father. I think you imagine all your little students, during your moving speeches, writing down your words in their little notebook so they can read them later and masturbate to them in private.

Michael

Sarah, get out of my chair so I can sit down, I’m very tired. And please try to watch your mouth, despite what you think, it doesn’t make you interesting.

Sarah

Most of the time I can’t believe you mean all that shit you say-

Michael

But?

Sarah

But you write down the same shit that constantly dribbles out of your mouth. (Gets out of her chair and marches around the room.) I am my brother’s keeper, my best is your best father and all my power belongs to you.

Michael

Not clever or cute, more self-pitying, railing against authority, it’s unoriginal even for you Sarah. (Crossing to his desk and sitting down.) Now could you please stop marching? You’re giving me a headache.

Sarah

(Stops marching) Father-

Michael

Daughter.

Sarah

It’s about Silvia-

Michael

Aww the bunny-

Sarah

It’s a just a nick name, you shouldn’t-

Michael

Shouldn’t I?

Sarah

It’s cruel that the other kids-

Michael

From what I’ve seen it’s-

Sarah

Not everybody can be-

Michael

She’s frightened of every thing-

Sarah

She has other values-

Michael

Really what?

Sarah

She’s valuable to me.

Michael

Is she?

Sarah

She’s been given three red marks.

Michael

And?

Sarah

Excuse her from the test.

Michael

That’s impossible-

Sarah

Every morning they march her out to that damn cliff and wait for her to jump into the water and then at sunset they march her back, three days in a row, three red marks, two more and-

Michael

She’ll be dropped down from Elite to Moderate and you won’t see her any more.

Sarah

Yes-

Michael

You always favor the weak. It disgusts me. If you weren’t my daughter, I would-

Sarah

But you couldn’t, I pass all your stupid tests. In fact if you check your files, you’ll see I jumped off that stupid cliff in record time.

Michael

You’re lazy. You’re only operating at half your potential.

Sarah

Yes, and I still beat over half of your Elite cadets-

Michael

That’s not the point-

Sarah

Then what is?

Michael

You and your fucken girls-

Sarah

There’s just this one-

Michael

Just one this year-

Sarah

What does that mean-?

Michael

Shall I list the others, you’ve asked favors for-?

Sarah

Being your daughter must have some advantages-

Michael

She has to jump, everyone jumps-

Sarah

She is not everyone, she is mine.

Michael

Yours?

Sarah

Yes and you will let me have her or I will take something that’s yours.

Michael

What could you take? Everything you see belongs to me.

Sarah

So what if she’s afraid. Being afraid to jump off a cliff into freezing cold water is not cowardice it’s good sense. Why must she be punished for having good sense?

Michael

You always love the weak ones-

Sarah

No Father I just like the ones that think for themselves-

Michael

Everybody jumps or they get dropped down to a lesser form. And if you love her so much why don’t you go up there with her tomorrow morning and push her off?

Sarah

Because she trusts me-

Michael

Then she’s a fool and so are you. There will be other girls Sarah-

Sarah

Fuck you Father.

Michael

And the same back to you daughter.

(Thomas enters with Tierney and Patrick. Thomas stands at attention. Patrick and Tierney are dressed in uniforms now, but they stand awkwardly not sure what to do. Michael stands up and comes around and leans on the front of his desk, he picks up a folder)

Michael

Welcome, welcome…(He opens the folder and looks in it for a moment.) Tierney and Patrick Morgan, is that right?

Tierney

Yes that’s right.

Thomas

Sir, when you answer him you call him Sir.

Michael

It’s all right Thomas, they’re new here they can’t be expected to know everything the first night, can they?

Thomas

No Sir.

Michael

Tierney and Patrick, you have obviously met Thomas and this young woman here is my daughter Sarah. Sarah these are our new arrivals Tierney and Patrick Morgan.

Sarah

Hello.

Tierney&Patrick

Hello…

Michael

You’re both right, calling her Sir wouldn’t really fit the bill. What shall they call you Sarah?

Sarah

Sarah is fine. Plain and simple Sarah, it suits me doesn’t it father?

Michael

(Checking his watch) Yes plain and simple does suit you and if you don’t hurry you’ll be late-

Sarah

For what?

Michael

Your appointment-

Sarah

I have no appointment Father. (She exits.)

Michael

Lovely isn’t she? So you both must be so excited! Recruited into elite.

Tierney

Yes, Sir.

Michael

I want to take a good look at you.

(Silence. Tierney and Patrick stand uncomfortably.)

Michael

They say the son always resembles the father and the daughter the mother but in your case it’s the opposite. Tierney you look exactly like your father, even down to the expression around the eyes. He used to stand around and eye me much the same way you’re eyeing me now. We were students together you know?

Tierney

Yes Sir.

Michael

And Patrick you’re the pretty one, just like your mother. She was always a pretty one. You didn’t think your mother was pretty son?

Patrick

I thought she was beautiful, Sir.

Michael

(He opens his file and reads.) I see you’ve been paired with Simon and Charlie, good thinking Thomas.

Thomas

Thank you Sir.

Michael

(Still reading the file.) Those boys have so much potential. It’s a shame we’ve never found a leader for them. Maybe those two will finally find some direction. It could make a very good team potentially…

Thomas

I thought so too Sir.

Michael

(Closing the file.) Good, good, everything’s in order. You can go Thomas.

Thomas

Yes Sir. (He exits.)

Michael

Now, would you two like to sit?

Tierney

We’re fine thank you Sir. I get the feeling nobody sits in your presence Sir.

Michael

It’s true no one does. But it never prevents me from sitting. (He moves back behind his desk and sits.) Aren’t I the lucky one?

Tierney

Yes Sir.

Michael

Now, you know why you’re both here?

Tierney

Our parents are dead.

Michael

I know.

Tierney

They were killed in a car crash two months ago.

Michael

Yes. But do you know why you’re here?

Tierney

We needed to go somewhere.

Michael

This isn’t somewhere. This is the most exclusive training program in the country. The best families put their children’s names on my list at their birth in the hopes that I will accept them when they are old enough to attend my school.

Tierney

Yes Sir.

Michael

I when I was appointed Speaker for The Youth I pledged to myself, to this country, that I would eradicate sloth. Each student in their level, each student striving for their best. Competition is the road to success as long as each student is where they belong. Your parents didn’t think much of this country did they?

Tierney

I don’t know what you mean Sir.

Michael

Don’t lie, it doesn’t become you.

Tierney

Sir, you’ve only just met me, I don’t know how you’d know what becomes me and what doesn’t.

Michael

Fair enough. Let’s be straight shall we?

Tierney

Yes Sir.

Michael

Your test scores?

Tierney

Yes?

Michael

They are more than above average. They are exceptional.

Tierney

Yes.

Michael

If anyone besides your parents were aware of them I would have recruited you years ago.

Tierney

Yes Sir.

Michael

They took from this country its greatest asset by taking you away.

Tierney

Yes Sir.

Michael

Selfishly hid you away, keeping for themselves something that belongs to us all.

Michael

But now they are gone and you are with me.

Tierney

We know that Sir.

Michael

Good.

(A beat.)

Michael

We’re building something new in this country. It was selfish what your parents did. You belong to this country, you don’t just belong to them. You are their son and daughter yes, but first and foremost you are members of a community.

Tierney&Patrick

Yes Sir.

Michael

Because your home, this land, this country is in your blood and your parents blood. We are a peace loving people but at the same time we are courageous. We are an honor loving people and we must be taught honor from your earliest childhood. We are a proud people, we must be taught pride. We are obedient, we must be taught obedience. We must be soft and yet hard as steel. We must be gentle yet fierce as…as…?

Tierney

Fierce as fire Sir?

Michael

Exactly. Exactly, fierce as fire. You both have suffered a great loss, the pain you must be feeling is well…it is…

Tierney

Overwhelming Sir.

Michael

Yes, overwhelming. But we are here, your community is here, and you will never be alone again.

Tierney

Thank you Sir. (Nudging Patrick.)

Patrick

Yes, thank you Sir…

Michael

You’re both welcome. You’re both very welcome.

End of Scene

Monstrosity (Scene Two)

by Lucy Thurber

This is the second scene from Monstrosity and the second of three postings from the play. Scene One can be found below (Jan 25th post) and scene three will be posted tomorrow.

Scene Two

Lights up on Simon and Charlie, two teenage boys in a dorm room. The room has two sets of bunk beds. A huge sign hangs center stage. At the top is written the Code of Three. 1-I am my brother’s Keeper, 2-My best is your best, 3-Our power belongs to you. Charlie sits and Simon stands. They are both in uniform. Simon is tucking in his shirt and combing his hair.

Charlie

Simon, hey, hey Simon-

Simon

It’s almost time for dinner. We can’t be late for dinner. Get dressed will you.

Charlie

Simon, hey, hey, Simon-

Simon

I don’t see you getting dressed-

Charlie

But Simon-

Simon

What for God sakes?

Charlie

I can’t get my boot off.

Simon

Fucken imbecile.

Charlie

Fuck you. I hurt my fucken ankle today. You know that and now I can’t get my boot off.

Simon

Well, what do you want me to do about it?

Charlie

I want you to help me. My ankle is swollen.

Simon

(Going to help him.) It’ll hurt.

Charlie

It hurts more with it on.

Simon

You’re gonna just have to put it back on again, for dinner.

Charlie

I just want to take it off for a minute. Just a minute and I’ll move it around.

Simon

It will swell up more without the boot and then when you put it back on-

Charlie

Just help me pull the fucken thing off will you, please?

Simon

(Kneeling down in front of him and putting his hands on the boots.) O.K. count to ten.

Charlie

O.K. 1,2,3

(Simon yanks the boot off of Charlie’s foot. Charlie screams in pain.)

Charlie

Motherfucker, motherfucker-

Simon

I told you it was going to hurt-

Charlie

You fucker, you said count to ten-

Simon

I was helping. It hurts less when you don’t expect it.

Charlie

That’s bullshit. It’s your fault I hurt my ankle anyway.

Simon

It is not!

Charlie

It is so! You weren’t watching your position-

Simon

I was busy with my position. That guy was just better than you-

Charlie

Was not, I kicked his fucken ass. Didn’t I? Didn’t I?!

Simon

Yeah, yeah you did.

Charlie

I fucken kicked his ass.

Simon

Calm down Charlie.

Charlie

I fucken, I fucken-

Simon

I know, I know, Jesus, I was just joking Christ.

(Thomas enters followed by Tierney and Patrick. Tierney is 17 and Patrick is 15. They are not dressed in uniforms. Simon and Charlie jump to attention when Thomas enters.)

Charlie&Simon

I am my brother’s keeper. My best is your best. Our power belongs to you.

Thomas

(To Simon and Charlie.) It certainly does. (To Tierney and Patrick.) This is where you’ll sleep.

Tierney

Thank you.

Thomas

There’s a bathroom for the hall which you’ll use.

Tierney

O.K.

Thomas

You’ll learn your schedule soon enough. It’s pretty tight and lateness results in loss of privileges.

Tierney

Sure…

Thomas

After dinner, you’ll be given your clothing, etc. You’ll clean up and report for your meeting with Mr. Roth.

Tierney

O.K. but…

Thomas

In uniform. I wouldn’t show up dressed like you are now. It’s not considered respectful and respect is very important to us here.

Tierney

Sure-

Thomas

(To Simon and Charlie) Take them to eat now. I’ll be by to bring them to Mr. Roth at exactly 7:30. It’s up to the two of you to see that they’re ready. If they’re not I’ll take it out on the whole hall and I’ll be sure to let them know it was you two that fucked it up.

Simon&Charlie

Yes Sir.

Thomas

And I’d have this room cleaned up by tomorrow morning. It looks like you haven’t changed the sheets since I’ve been gone.

Simon&Charlie

Yes Sir. Good to have you back Sir.

Thomas

Bullshit. You’re no more happy to see me than I am to see you. I don’t like lazy people and lazy people don’t like to be reminded that they’re lazy. (He exits.)

(A beat.)

Patrick

(To Tierney) Jesus fucken Christ Tierney.

Tierney

Don’t Patrick.

Simon

We’re gonna be late for dinner.

Tierney

We’re ready when you are.

Simon

(He motions towards the bunk bed Charlie’s sitting on.) This is ours.

Tierney

O.K.

Simon

Don’t touch our stuff.

Tierney

Not a problem.

Simon

You’re not the first two idiots they’ve tried to hook us up with-

Tierney

O.K.-

Simon

I wasn’t done speaking was I?

Tierney

I was just getting tired of hearing you talk.

Simon

Look, four makes a team. Me and Charlie we don’t want to be a team-

Tierney

I have no idea what you’re talking about and I don’t-

Simon

You’ll know soon enough and just remember what I told you.

Charlie

Yeah, and just cause we’re taking you doesn’t mean you can sit with us at dinner, don’t get any ideas.

Simon

Charlie would you just put your fucken boot back on so we can leave. (He crosses to him) Jesus would you look at this thing. I told you not to take your boot off.

Charlie

(Struggling to put his boot back on.) Just settle down will ya?

Simon

Thomas is going to stomp all over our asses. Would you look at the time? (He shoves his watch into Charlie’s face.)

Charlie

(Knocking Simon’s hand away and struggling with boot.) I’m trying, you can see that.

Simon

Fuck Charlie!

(Patrick crosses to Charlie and takes his boot away from him.)

Charlie

Hey!

Patrick

(Taking the lace out of the boot.) I don’t want to be late either. (He puts the boot back on Charlie without the lace.) Does that feel O.K.?

Charlie

Yeah…

Patrick

O.K. stand up for a second.

(Charlie does. Patrick kneels in front of him and puts the lace back in his boot without tightening it.)

Patrick

O.K.?

Charlie

Yeah…

Patrick

So let’s not be late. I’m ready.

End Of Scene

Monstrosity

by Lucy Thurber

This is the first scene from the Lucy Thurber's play Monstrosity. It is the first of three posts from the play. Scene two will be posted on Sunday and scene three will be posted on Tuesday.

ACT ONE

Scene One

The sound of marching feet. The beginning of an assembly. Thomas enters marching followed by a group of teenage boys and girls in uniform. As they enter they are singing and marching in time.

Group

Warm rooms and cigarettes, jewels and powder puffs, perfumed soaps and sweet privileged faces, we don’t want them! We are Three, with wild manes and stomping fists, with hobnailed boots and laughing teeth; we accomplish things and do not rest. We are Three and we are best.

(Thomas steps forward, he raises his hand, the young men and women fan out and stand behind him in formation. He lowers his hand. There is silence. Light change, a spot light on Thomas)

Thomas

He has come to speak to us, to lead us and to help us lead ourselves.

(Thomas turns and marches back to his place in line. Michael enters, he crosses center stage and stands facing the audience.)

Michael

Choose your way oh youth. Go where your talent tells you to go. This country needs you to be clever, it needs your hands and your words. Your words are banners for us to follow. Your thoughts are bridges to cross. So why won’t you speak? Why won’t you stand? Do you lack the courage? Do you lack the strength? Or is it that you stand alone and see no others beside you? Do you feel that your thoughts and hearts are falling into a void till your words don’t work, your feet frozen, your hand raised? Are you tired? Are you small? Too small to speak, too small to be heard? Do you think it is possible that I could hear you? That we (He motions to the teenagers standing behind him.) could hear you? Is it possible that you may not be alone? I know that you wake up every day without a sense of purpose. Is it just another day? Endless in its sameness. Endless in its pettiness. Endless in the shallow glances and remarks of your peers. I’ll tell what I know. The truth will set you free, but first it will make you very, very, miserable. But aren’t you miserable now? Don’t you feel it? I know you can feel it. Way down in that place you hide from everyone. Down in that place no one can touch, the place you guard with your very life. The thing you protect with space. The space from which you watch. You know what you have. You are gifted with a unique potential. You can build it, meld it, bend it strengthen it until it shines and cuts through reality like a sword. Yes a sword, you possess a weapon. Put your hands on it and dare to wield it. Learn The Code of Three.

(We hear the sound of canned applause. Michael turns and strides off stage followed closely by Thomas. The teenagers turn and march as a group off stage singing as they go.)

Group

The Code of Three guides our nights. We eats its words to help us fight. We fight for good. We channel power. Beautiful Code of Three you are our mother. We are four to a unit. We are stronger than steel. We march as four heel to heel. We make a square and cannot be divided. Watch us march and know what pride is.

(A moment of silence. The feel of an empty street after a parade. The Twins ride in on their double bicycle.)

Twins

We are the children of no time. We take what we want and we leave nothing behind. We know everything and nothing at all.

Twin 1

Tell me a story the little boy said.

Twin 2

A brother, a sister better off dead.

Twin 1

Horror of horrors a world full of sorrows.

Twin 2

Nothing but straight lines and boxed in shadows.

Twin 1

Tell me a story the little girl said.

Twin 2

A story of magic, a story that’s true.

Twins

We’re the children of no time. Take everything and leave everything behind. We’re here to tell you a story, to bewitch you one and all. We’re here to tell you a story of heroes who want to live for a cause.

Twin 2

A boy running to hide and a girl trying to rise.

Twin 1

A sister and brother with identical eyes.

Twins

Fighting for freedom can be such a bore. Atrocity is timeless, humanity’s greatest chore.

Twin 1

It’s coming dear audience and you know it’s true-

Twin 2

You know it’s true and that they will be blue-

Twin 1

Bluer than the bluest night, filled with terrible frights-

Twins

And where will they stand when they don’t know how to fall? And how will they know if we forget to tell them at all?

Twin 1

Are they strong enough to make the stand? And what about the little girl when she’s frozen with fright and there’s nothing left but you, but dear audience, as her sight?

Twin 2

And what about the brother? Is he strong enough to grow into a man? How many times can he take her bite, before he falls back into the darkness and refuses to fight?

Twins

It’s coming dear audience and you know it’s true. It’s coming dear audience and we’ve chosen you

(The Twins ride off stage.)

(Light switch. Michael sitting at a big wooden desk. He is sorting through papers and making notes. Thomas enters and stands at attention waiting to be noticed. Michael makes one final note and then looks up.)

Michael

You spoke well today Thomas.

Thomas

Thank you Sir.

Michael

And what did you think of my speech?

Thomas

Moving as always, Sir.

Michael

Thank you, thank you.

Thomas

You’re welcome Sir.

Michael

And you look well.

Thomas

Thank you Sir.

Michael

So you’re back.

Thomas

Yes Sir.

Michael

And how do you feel?

Thomas

I don’t know what you mean Sir.

Michael

I see. Would you like to sit down Thomas?

Thomas

I would rather stand if that’s O.K. Sir?

Michael

Yes, that’s O.K. Thomas. How was your father’s funeral?

Thomas

Elegant.

Michael

Your mother was pleased?

Thomas

Who can tell, Sir?

Michael

I see. I know the two of you were never that close.

Thomas

No, Sir. I look too much like my Father for her taste.

Michael

Right. For God’s Sake Tom, sit down. We know each other too well for this, don’t you think.

Thomas

I can’t sit down Sir, if I sit down I may never get up again.

Michael

It’s that bad?

Thomas

Yes Sir.

Michael

I see. Well you better tell me about it, don’t you think?

Thomas

I didn’t have a chance to tell him I hated him.

Michael

I see.

Thomas

Though I think he hated me more. He felt I’d robbed him of his youth. He never wanted an heir. It only reminded him he would die one day, and now he has.

Michael

Yes. But you’ve worked very hard these past few years. I know you pleased him.

Thomas

It hasn’t been him I was trying to please Sir…

Michael

I see. You know it’s against my principles to play favorites-

Thomas

Of course Sir-

Michael

But I am only human after all.

Thomas

Yes Sir?

Michael

I’ve become quite fond of you over the years. I know I’m not your father-

Thomas

But you are Sir. You are more a father to me than my own-

Michael

Yes, yes. I know. I do know. Well, enough of that don’t you think?

Thomas

Yes Sir.

Michael

I’m glad you’re back. I’ve found I’m quite lost without you. There’s so much to do.

Thomas

Yes Sir.

Michael

Work always takes my mind off things. It’s helpful in times of stress. (He pulls out a sheet of paper and hands it to Thomas.) We have some new arrivals.

Thomas

Yes Sir.

Michael

The Morgans and a few of their friends have had an unfortunate accident.

Thomas

That’s really for the best Sir.

Michael

Yes of course. We have possession of their two children.

Thomas

Sir…?

Michael

A boy and a girl.

Thomas

I see Sir…

Michael

Who knew they had children, kept them hidden away.

Thomas

Yes Sir.

Michael

Exceptional test scores, some of the best I’ve ever seen. Train your enemy’s children to love you. That’s what we’re all about Thomas. Their children must be given the gift of Three.

Thomas

Yes Sir.

Michael

I’m terribly excited.

Thomas

Of course Sir.

Michael

Your father and I…I have always depended on your father Thomas, over the years he and I…but I’ve always felt closest to you…I’ve always felt as if, in a way you were my son…

Thomas

Sir I...

Michael

Well we’ve said enough, Thomas you and I understand each other. You may go.

(Thomas salutes and turns to go. He reaches the door.)

Thomas

Sir?

Michael

Yes?

Thomas

It’s good to be home again.

(Thomas exits and Michael goes back to work.)

End of Scene

Everything Scrubbed Clean

From Magic Kingdom

by Mark Schultz

Part 2: Everything Scrubbed Clean

Second Prologue

FIONA enters.

FIONA

I have this fantasy? Okay. It goes like this. I'm walking down the street right? Maybe I'm shopping. Maybe I'm just walking. But theres me. On the street. And theres this van. Like looming. Like a big van. And it's white. And kind of icky. And retro in a bad way. But I'm walking and singing a song. And everythings okay. And I pass the van. And it opens. And an arm. Like a big. Hairy arm. Just. Comes out. And it grabs me and pulls me in. And I'm like: what? And inside the van. There are like. Three. Gorgeous. Men. Who are mad. Angry. And they rip off my clothes. I am really well-dressed. And they rip off my clothes. And I am naked. And they are hard. And I want them. They treat me rough. At first. Poring over me with their hands. And their lips. And hair. They smell like gasoline and sometimes like old tires. They are rough. And hot. And rough. And its painful, you know at first it's really painful? And I'm like: no. And I protest and kick and scratch. But they're like too hot and lusty? I can't stop them. And I start to kinda like it. I don't let them know. They use me. They fuck me. The three of them. Sometimes together. Sometimes separate. Days go by. Constant fucking. I always protest. I am numb and raw all at the same time. But I start to like it. More. They keep coming. Each one pounding into me. And I'm thinking: when will it end, Fiona? And then. Just then. Probably while one of them is fucking me? This intense look on his face? Probably then. I start to love them. All of them. And after like a month with me? (And I've not showered or anything.) They know I love them. They can feel it. And it starts to change them. And they start to love me. I am gentle. I am like pure goodness. I am like pure light. And when I go down on them? Like one at a time? I save them. We all love each other. And it's like none of the other stuff ever really happened. Really. The roughness. Except when it was hot.

When they let me go? We all cry. And I give them each a kiss. I don't hold back on the tongue. They buy me new clothes. They are gorgeous. I don't want to leave them. They say they'll be watching me. Following me. That we'll meet again.

They are so generous.

Black.

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